Black Friday @ EO

Tuff

Active Member
#44
I need to apply for a new job. "Sir, why are you applying at our company today?" Me: "I have an incurable Kinam addiction and am willing to work nights and weekends and be on call." Them: "Oh, so you're like our slave." Me: "Basically."
 

RobertOne

Well-Known Member
#45
I need to apply for a new job. "Sir, why are you applying at our company today?" Me: "I have an incurable Kinam addiction and am willing to work nights and weekends and be on call." Them: "Oh, so you're like our slave." Me: "Basically."
Sorry to chip in late here, but I could not resist given I hope to be a wage slave again within months.

Picture the scene, me suited and booted, mid-interview

Interviewer:
So, Mr. RobertOne, your C.V and references really gives no indication why you would even apply for this part time, low level job. Can you tell me the reason why you are applying?

Me:

Does the job involve regular handling of human faeces, urine and vomit round the clock?

Interviewer:

*blank look*
Ummm... no, no it does not.

Me:

Okay then.
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Alternatively, I could probably work in a sewer or waste disposal. Survived the worst already.
 

Ensar Oud

Well-Known Member
#46
Sorry to chip in late here, but I could not resist given I hope to be a wage slave again within months.

Picture the scene, me suited and booted, mid-interview

Interviewer:
So, Mr. RobertOne, your C.V and references really gives no indication why you would even apply for this part time, low level job. Can you tell me the reason why you are applying?

Me:

Does the job involve regular handling of human faeces, urine and vomit round the clock?

Interviewer:

*blank look*
Ummm... no, no it does not.

Me:

Okay then.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Alternatively, I could probably work in a sewer or waste disposal. Survived the worst already.
Or it can go something like this:

Interviewer: So what brings you here?

BobOne: Oud, sir. I need to fund my oud hobby.

Interviewer: No kidding? Why don't you call Ensar directly? I heard he was looking to hire a chef!
 

RobertOne

Well-Known Member
#47
Or it can go something like this:

Interviewer: So what brings you here?

BobOne: Oud, sir. I need to fund my oud hobby.

Interviewer: No kidding? Why don't you call Ensar directly? I heard he was looking to hire a chef!
Stage Set: Big Bad Bouncy Bob's Gelateria, Boutique Candy District, Amman, Jordan.

Dearest Customer,

Today we have buttermilk and crystalised violet with a spray of Purple Kinam, tonka bean with a Dhul Q foam or our sea salted caramel in a pool of Borneo 50k créme anglaise.

*Ensar ordering for wife*

Oh no, wait, one Mr. Kruger was here three and one half minutes ago and took everything.

*Ensar talking in a resigned tone of voice that says oh no not again*

Well, we have instead herbed stuffed slow roasted lamb shank in a saffron and Old School Thai jùs with lemon thyme mashed potatoes.

*Happy Ensar orders*

Oh, he did put all the desserts on your tab so that will be three hundred and twenty-eight thousand Jordanian Dinar, then.

*Worried Ensar pleads*

No, I don't accept credit, Sir.

*Ensar pulls out tola bottle of bliss*

Sighs. No Sir. Look, as it's you we can come to an arrangement. I will sell back to you all this weeks unused Oud at a 300% profit...

*Ensar glares furiously, reminded of someone*
 

Kruger

Well-Known Member
#48
China1C.jpg

We’ve just finished running a test distillation on a batch of wood we broke our backs to find. Now with the yield analysis done, it’s decision time: can we afford to go ahead?

Artisanal distillations are extremely costly and we’re constantly in fundraising mode to back new distillations. So, here we are with this new project running us to the ground, with a great deal for you…

For one day only, save $100 on China Sayang and Hainan 2005. Order both and save $200, in addition to $100 off a 10 gr packet of Yunnan 1991, redeemable anytime in the future (while supplies last).

See more >
 

Simla House

Well-Known Member
#51
It seems Ensar Ji is in the final day of his Oud Royale 1985 promotion.
Indeed he is making oudh cheap again!
I wish my currency wasn't rubbish.
Failed to pawn the necessary.....
(crying)
 

Ensar Oud

Well-Known Member
#55
A saucy bard can always rhyme himself a special deal. Email 'the Coburn' NOW if you want one, Roberto. It sure looketh like that will be it for our stock. 'Twas a near sellout, and we've got investors hounding us for whatever drops remain. Make it quick, Burger Bob! If Aroha's your thing the '85 sayeth Aloha! :cool:
 

RobertOne

Well-Known Member
#58
RobertOne, check your spammy mcspam folder today......
I saw it in my inbox.

Now I can look forward to my retirement party.... in 2053.

Seriously though, it's worth it. It gives me so much of x that the price is really modest.

Consider massively overpriced USA prescription meds for minor disorders, the psychoactive ones sometimes wreak havoc with the treatment being more damaging than the disease.

Then we have Oud.

Beautiful and Effacious.
 
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Simla House

Well-Known Member
#59
I saw it in my inbox.

Now I can look forward to my retirement party.... in 2053.
One thing I can say about a beautiful oudh, is that it can motivate you to work even harder in life so you can afford them.
Since experiencing artisan oudh, I have a new fire burning.
Looking at the thousands of dollars of attars, mukhallats and oudhs that I have staring at me, I wish I had redirected my attention elsewhere at an earlier date.
 

Ensar Oud

Well-Known Member
#60


We were in for quite a shock recently.

We distilled Santal Royale four years ago. Since then some things have changed. To distill the same caliber oil from our 70's granules today will now cost us double what it did in 2013.

Now that our bangles (carved from the same wood) are sold out and the granules continue to move, we're in a real pickle. For the same money we were able to distill Santal Royale, we can now only distill oil from recently harvested twigs and much paler wood than the solid 1970's red heartwood we used in 2013. Not only that, the paler harvests of today don't even originate in Mysore. They're harvested around Assam and the Burmese border of India.

Basically, the cost has shot through the roof and there's nothing we can do about it. Looking back now, it shouldn't have been such a surprise – good vintage Mysore heartwood is just as rare as some prized batches of kinam and Nha Trang Agarwood. That's why you see artisanal Mysore oils now selling for $170 per gram.

Many people don't realize how many grades of sandalwood are out there, or just how hard it is to find a good batch. They hear it's from India and automatically assume it must be good. But that's not so. Our 70's Mysore is proper mature heartwood granules harvested in the 1970s from centennial mother trees, while much of the stuff you come across today is from random young twigs and branches hauled together in Myanmar and Assam. There's a big difference.

Here's an example:



On the left you see what is sold as 'the finest' Mysore powder (sent to us for review), with ground-up 70's Mysore granules on the right. If this were agarwood, you'd be looking at grade C on the left and AAA on the right.

No doubt, the batch on the left is Indian and it's decent for our day and age… just in no way comparable to vintage 70's Mysore. The density, the duration of the burn, the depth of the scent, all way more intense in the red Mysore heartwood harvested over 30 years ago.

(NOW, take the very same 70's Mysore granules and distill them… and you get an oil [i.e. Santal Royale] with such tenacity and depth it makes other 'Mysores' smell diluted.)

So, the cost has doubled. Now what?

Nothing. We won't hike up our prices even one penny, so you're already saving right there. But, after this, I doubt we'll be running any more kyara-style Mysore distillations of this caliber.

That's bad news for everyone. But I do have some good news…

I'm selling the last bit of Mysore 1984 I had been keeping for the archives. Supply is limited.

In addition to oil cooked from 30-40 year-old Mysore heartwood, between an 18 year-old Tanzanian distill and the just-released Santal Sultan, what you've got access to in our Olde Santal collection is actually 'the finest' sandalwood jewels in existence, full stop.

It's happening, just like it happened with agarwood. Old-school Mysore Santal is either gone or those who have it demand a pretty penny. And believe me, it's not gonna get cheaper. Fast forward another four years, and Santal Royale will be worth $1,000+. Now's the time to act.
 
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